India (finally)

I’m not quite sure what to say about India. The words have been stuck up inside my ribs since I came home. Part of what I’ve decided is that the words are meant for me. If there was a way to convey all that I saw and experienced there, I would have set the words loose far earlier.

I didn’t change; I returned to myself. Seeing the things that I saw, and learning what I did, it made me realize that I’d been lost. Floundering to make others happy and shuffling myself off to the corner to wait. The waiting is over. Like the words I’ve been so desperately trying to free, I’m ready to let myself go too.

I saw poverty and disparity all over the region that I visited. There was also great kindness; the likes of which I’ve rarely experienced in the States. People will honestly go out of their way to help others, and what’s theirs is yours. There were many times that the term “unconditional” came to mind. Those that I met and spoke with were always open and wanted to both learn and teach, with no barriers or biases. It felt like a homecoming with arms spread wide.

Being giving and unconditional are not things to take for granted, though they often are. It takes guts to do things and expect nothing in return. Be soft, be gentle, be kind. Remember that humans are fickle and we’re all just trying to get through this life thing. Isn’t it better to do that together, instead of fighting against each other?

Anyways, here’s me on a living root bridge!

P.S. I’ll be posting more about the actual travel side of this trip at another time!

IMG_8715I am learning to hold my own hand. To sit in the still moments and listen to the softness that lies between the bustle of the day.

When I was in high school, I read of rules and methods to draw people, specifically a potential date, to yourself. Very rarely though, was I shown how to love myself.

Not love yourself in a conceited way, but in a, “You can still be enough, even if there is no significant other in your life,” way. That was simply never an option. So, I let my opinion of myself hinge on others opinions of myself. Mistake number one.

Mistake number two was letting others happiness create a void in me. I began to grow into this jealous, self conscious, anxious person. Was I not pretty enough? Not funny enough? Not smart or popular enough? Why was seemingly everyone in a relationship except for me? I can’t honestly say I have an answer to those questions. It just never happened. I wasn’t anyone’s type and that’s that.

But I can say that being single hasn’t stopped me from loving every moment possible. Laughing with friends, writing, cooking, reading, walks along the water(still very romantic,) and sitting in the small moments to listen to the hum of my own heart.
There’s a bliss to every moment if you look close enough. Be it together, or alone, it’s there.